A Rookies Information to Being Terrible: Woeful Elks can study from Oilers distress

Article content material

Zero and eight on the season. Twelve-straight defeats total. Shut out twice. The longest house dropping streak in North American professional sports activities historical past.

The Edmonton Elks are as unhealthy because it will get proper now.

Article content material

And Edmonton Oilers followers can really feel their ache.

They’ve been there.

Laughed at and pitied whereas their workforce struggles for traction on the potato peels and low grounds on the backside of a burned-out dumpster, Oilers followers know precisely what it’s like when a once-great franchise turns to ash.

Article content material

Their distress lasted via 11 coaches, 5 basic managers, two arenas and annual journeys via the seven phases of grief.

In that dismal 11-year span between 2009 and 2019, regardless of successful the NHL draft lottery 4 instances, the Oilers completed twenty first, thirtieth, thirtieth, twenty ninth, twenty fourth, twenty eighth, twenty eighth, twenty ninth, eighth (!), twenty third and twenty fifth.

They’ve emerged from the swamp and might be on the brink of one thing particular, however hockey individuals on this city know a factor or two about dropping if that was ever a priority.

That’s why we’ve put collectively some helpful suggestions for the Elks and their followers on survive an apocalyptic spiral, also called: A Newbie’s Information To Being Terrible.

ACCEPT YOUR FATE

You already know the previous expression about placing lipstick on a pig? Effectively, Elks followers, you’re cheering for the pig on this state of affairs so don’t hassle with the make-up. Don’t try to persuade your self and others that one or two new gamers can flip this round, or that altering offensive co-ordinators is the reply.

Article content material

Article content material

Yours is a foul workforce with no course that’s trying to find the re-set button in neck-deep quicksand. There isn’t any quick answer; issues shall be unhealthy for fairly a while.

When you settle for that, you can see peace. Don’t mislead your self. Embrace the Oink.

CHANGE COACHES. LOTS.

The Oilers ran via 10 coaches throughout the Decade of Darkness — Craig MacTavish, Pat Quinn, Tom Renney, Ralph Krueger, Dallas Eakins, Craig MacTavish II, Todd Nelson, Todd McClellan, Ken Hitchcock and Dave Tippett.

Did the workforce get higher? Nope. They have been twenty first in 2009 and twenty fifth in 2019. However altering coaches buys you time. A workforce will get about 9 months’ price of grace and persistence after scapegoating a coach. So, all it’s a must to do is pull the set off each 9 months or so and also you’re one step forward of the wolves.

Simply lather, rinse and repeat. Belief me, it really works. The Oilers obtained a superb 10 years out of that method.

LIVE IN THE PAST

While you’re not firing coaches, the subsequent greatest solution to calm the lots and divert consideration from the current is reliving the glory days.

At the moment’s workforce is within the gutter? Let’s have a reunion. Lacking the playoffs once more? Time to retire one other jersey. Followers getting indignant? Hey, look, there’s Mess!

Article content material

Any distraction is an efficient distraction. Gizmo Williams Night time. Elks Dynasty Night time. That Time Ed Hervey Smacked A Referee With a Helmet Night time (Think about how excited these youngsters shall be to take house a memento helmet to bash their associates with).

And isn’t this the eight-year anniversary of the 2015 Gray Cup?

WIN THE LOTTERY

This is essential. We will’t stress this sufficient. Be among the many first in line for among the greatest younger expertise on the earth for about 10 straight years and get first dibs on one of many biggest gamers within the historical past of the sport.

You’d be stunned how efficient that technique will be. Get pummelled all season, draft the subsequent Warren Moon and turn out to be a contender. It’s actually fairly easy. Extra groups ought to do it.

OOPS, NEVER MIND THE LOTTERY

We forgot the CFL has a Canadian draft and that an offensive lineman from Guelph isn’t going to have fairly the identical influence as a Connor McDavid. In any other case the lottery factor is an efficient plan.

DON’T FRET THE CROWDS

Don’t let the attendance get you down. Overlook what they advised you about distress loving firm. Distress likes sitting at house the place the beer is reasonable, the lavatory is shut and it might yell on the tv.

Article content material

Additionally, distress isn’t silly. It’s not going to shell out $100 apiece for decrease bowl seats to look at the worst workforce within the 161-year historical past of Canadian soccer.

It doesn’t imply that absentee followers don’t care, it simply means they’re exercising a little bit powerful love and discretion. They’ll be again when the successful begins. That’s why God invented bandwagons.

Apart from, when it’s 21-straight losses at house, the less individuals there the higher.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Keep in mind, issues can at all times worsen.

CLING TO FALSE HOPE

Keep in mind, there isn’t a I in stop. It’s by no means over till it’s over. Even when it’s over. The Oilers could be 15 factors out of a playoff spot with 10 video games to go and the diehards all changed into Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber: ‘So that you’re telling me there’s an opportunity!’

By no means begin a funeral early. There shall be loads of time for distress after they roll within the casket.

LEARN TO LAUGH

Self-deprecating humour is an important coping mechanism for followers of a sinking ship.

Once they make jokes about 0-8, you say ‘Keep in mind when that man gave up the game-winning rouge within the closing minute as a result of he didn’t know the foundations? Ha ha, traditional Elks.’

Once they carry up the house report, you come excessive with a joke of your personal. Do this one: ‘Elks apply is over. They misplaced.’

They’ll’t giggle at you in the event that they’re laughing with you.

[email protected]

Article content material